Judgementally Confused

I work with kids.

I am supposed to be a mentor, a leader, a Sun Tzu-esk dealer of discipline and order, but am struggling with this responsibility…

Who am I to enforce justice? Who am I to give punishment and reward as if I know the deserving?

Walking by the ping pong table today a little boy stopped me.

“Miss, miss--he called me stupid and told me to shut up!” His dry hands pulled me toward the culprit, a boy about the same age who happens to have Down syndrome. “That’s him, he did it. He told me to shut up, and then called me stupid!”

As he spoke, the accused wore a satisfied smile. He giggled even. I really have never seen him so content. I made him apologize.

Then I thought of all the times others have torn him down, building their shaky self-images up with makeshift pieces that blow away the first sign of a storm. Who am I to steal this little boy’s chance at revenge? Through looks, stares, glances, rolling eyes, outright malicious name calling or even worse, indifference, I have seen this “guilty” child endure cruelty from his peers on a daily basis. So, perhaps it was today that he took it upon himself to feel that power, the power he so often sees well up in other’s eyes as they tare into him. And I saw in his eyes the bitter sweet victory of revenge as the other kid repeated his words. A bitter victory is a victory nonetheless as Sun Tzu might argue (concubine story? definitely worth looking into).

And I know what he did was wrong…but am still torn as to whether or not I’m really enforcing justice or if I’m taking it away.

Metaphorically Stood Up

You drizzle honey on your words

Dust your voice in sugar and cocoa powder

Fed to all the pretty ladies

Flashing before your eyes

You wipe around the bullshit so gently

We don’t notice the smell

Carefully planned escape routes

You’ve tunneled under I love yous

Around every other delicious declaration

Can’t be too angry as I stand above the hole

Realizing how even in honesty lurks deception

And how uninterested I am

in eating chocolate covered cotton balls ever again.

Greener Grass

Once upon a time there were two cows. They roamed a sprawling, fenceless pasture and rarely ever bumped into each other. Then one day it happened that while busy nibbling from atop the same hillside, oblivious to the fact they were steps away, they looked up and stood face to face. Having not spoken for so long they decided the best way to break the ice was to have a glass of milk and share stories under a nearby tree.

After laughing and tales of journeys, one mentioned, “This is probably the best grass I’ve eaten in my life,” while dipping chunks of it into the milk like we do cookies.

“Oh yes, this is the best piece of land for miles.” The other agreed in between slurping and chewing.

“Still, something tells me there’s even better grass out there.” The cow climbed to it’s feet at the thought.

“Will you go now?” The other said surprised. “So soon, though we’ve just sit down?”

With just a kind look backwards, the adventurer slowly walked away, answering without a word. As it’s silhouette shrank on the horizon, the cow under the tree sat in silence for a long time. It picked a blade of grass and examined it against the setting sun. “Yes…you do seem to be quite the tastiest I’ve ever known. So why am I in no hurry to see if there waits an ever sweeter blade? Will you become just as dry and boring as the last --if I were to stay?”

By now the other cow had disappeared.

The blade of grass began to shift and sway in the cows hoof. “I will tell you only once cow,” the little sliver of green responded. “You will always have complaint and devotion, every step you take or don’t, this is our curse. The dissatisfaction is intentional. It’s so your weight will land upon more of us. So your eyes will be exposed to our many shades. For we all wish to be inside of you. And the affection overrides lack long enough so your shadow can cool us, your tongue can thrill and your feet can rest. ”

The cow listened and thought about what the grass said. “Then let your wish be granted,” mumbled the cow and consumed the little blade.