Judgementally Confused

I work with kids.

I am supposed to be a mentor, a leader, a Sun Tzu-esk dealer of discipline and order, but am struggling with this responsibility…

Who am I to enforce justice? Who am I to give punishment and reward as if I know the deserving?

Walking by the ping pong table today a little boy stopped me.

“Miss, miss--he called me stupid and told me to shut up!” His dry hands pulled me toward the culprit, a boy about the same age who happens to have Down syndrome. “That’s him, he did it. He told me to shut up, and then called me stupid!”

As he spoke, the accused wore a satisfied smile. He giggled even. I really have never seen him so content. I made him apologize.

Then I thought of all the times others have torn him down, building their shaky self-images up with makeshift pieces that blow away the first sign of a storm. Who am I to steal this little boy’s chance at revenge? Through looks, stares, glances, rolling eyes, outright malicious name calling or even worse, indifference, I have seen this “guilty” child endure cruelty from his peers on a daily basis. So, perhaps it was today that he took it upon himself to feel that power, the power he so often sees well up in other’s eyes as they tare into him. And I saw in his eyes the bitter sweet victory of revenge as the other kid repeated his words. A bitter victory is a victory nonetheless as Sun Tzu might argue (concubine story? definitely worth looking into).

And I know what he did was wrong…but am still torn as to whether or not I’m really enforcing justice or if I’m taking it away.